my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize