I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i dont even know how to be here
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
