Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
