I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm always down for nudity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
