And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I understand Curling. That high.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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