We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
