I'm eating all of the evidence.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
