well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
