I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
