she smelled like a LAN party
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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