wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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