nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
