Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
