I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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