I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
