Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize