i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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