so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
