If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
