whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
