My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
