Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
