Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
only if we run a train.
done.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
