so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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