Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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