He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was like eating out sand paper
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
