An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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