I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
