Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
