i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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