I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize