from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
