I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize