hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
