Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
