what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
