You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
