dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize