help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
