I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
