shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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