so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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