based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
