you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
