Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
