I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
