OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
