So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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