Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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