1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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