That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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