Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
