I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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