New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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