well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
