bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
