I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
