wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
