my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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