im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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