On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize