I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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