I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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