I hate your face
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
