we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
