I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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