i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
