I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
